Mans legs are really sleeping vampires

The home of Frank dribble-bottom has recently been one of mystery, mayhem and death. For the last two month frank - a double amputee victim had been living life with a new vigor. Suddenly over night, two new legs had appeared where only stumps were before. But then the strange happening began - every day Frank would wake to find dead tramps and empty black pudding wrappers all over his bedroom. Firstly he thought he had gone mad, or someone was playing a cruel trick on him.

"The tramps were easy enough to dispose of" Frank told our reporters, "but the black pudding wrappers where a nightmare, how do you explain to your friends and relatives that you need to throw away a whole shopping bag of blood sausage wrappers everyday!"

The Nightmare came to a swift halt on Friday of last month, when Franks Daughter Hilda Dribble-Bottom married her life long love Lee T. Lovepants. Frank was walking his daughter down the aisle when his legs just turned to dust. "You should have seen my face" Frank explained, "of course it was simple - i don't know why it didn't occur to me before. My new legs were just sleeping vampires."

on a brighter note, Frank can tell his hysterical "I'm legless" Joke again.